


Beej Does a Little Cocaine Tonight

by Beejbeanboo



Series: Inspired from songs [1]
Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Beetlejuice is a simp, But it's okay, Christmas, Did I say that Beetlejuice is a simp, F/M, Goldenbeetle, He did cocaine, Holiday, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Multi, Oops, Presents, Tickle Fights, beetlelands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24794890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beejbeanboo/pseuds/Beejbeanboo
Summary: It's the holidays and Beetlejuice just blew a rail and goes nuts around the Maitlands.Or alternatively titled, BEEJ IS A SIMP.
Relationships: Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice/Barbara Maitland, Charles Deetz & Delia Deetz
Series: Inspired from songs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796410
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Beej Does a Little Cocaine Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> CONTENT WARNING
> 
> If drug use isn't your style, I'm sorry!
> 
> But it's Beetlejuice soooooo :D

Beetlejuice didn’t think he would be here for this stupid holiday. Around this time he would be wandering around towns watching families spend their holidays eating a shit ton of food and drink a lot of spiked eggnog that left them high off their horses until the next morning after. He loved scaring people during this time too, he would dress as the weird fat man with the red suit and white beard and scare them senseless. First he would break into the house in the dead of night and cause a ruckus that’ll raise the dead. And when they would congregate at his trap, he would make his move.

When they yelled ‘Santa!’, he would laugh a wicked laugh and seem to decompose in front of the excited family. No doubt making them scream, and when that wasn’t enough, he transformed into a good friend of his. Krampus.

With horns, hooves and a skeletal face, Beetlejuice would shriek causing chaos. His clones acted as demonic elves and ran the residents out of their house and disappear before anyone would come, not even Juno found out that he did this. He could do crazy shit like that.

However being here was a mistake, a big mistake.

Soft holiday music was playing in the kitchen as Darlah was making her spiked (vegan) eggnog for herself and Chuckles. Lydia couldn’t have hands on it but a lot of Mountain Dew/energy drinks will probably reach the same effect. Adam and Barbara couldn’t do the fun stuff anymore and there was Beetlejuice.

High off cocaine, he just blew a rail a half hour ago and boy did he do a lot. He wanted to dull out all the cheer or else he would repeatedly jump off the roof.

Of course he didn’t get the after effects, all he got was the high. And it was a good high. Beetlejuice laid down on the couch with his hands waving around in the air like a crazy person.

“You doing alright there Lawrence?” Lydia popped into Beetlejuice’s field of vision, “You’re being very weird waving your hands like a witch.”

“I’m just fine Scarecrow living my best life howyoudoing what are you wearing I hate it bring back the black it brings the edge to you.” Beetlejuice uncomprehensively spoke.

Beetlejuice out of focus gaze peered through Lydia, thoroughly enjoying himself.

“Now why am I laying here lets go and cause chaos!” Beetlejuice shrieked, darting towards the stairs “Youcomingkidletsgoletsgoletsgo!” And with that he disappeared.

“Is he alright? He’s more off the cuff than usual,” Delia came from the kitchen with Charles following, “Mind checking up on him Lydia? We’re getting ready for the dinner feast!”

“Got it step-mom,” Lydia, still shellshocked by Beetlejuice’s pandemonium, calmly walked towards the stairs, “Hey Beej? Where’d you go?”

“Lydia get up here! He’s running around the room!” Barbara called to the teen, “Please!”

Lydia ran to the attic and there was Beetlejuice. Literally bouncing off the walls. Adam and Barbara were watching with amusement on their faces. 

“Kidyourehere!” Beetlejuice bounced in front Lydia, “Did you see what the Hotlands are wearing they may be boring but theyre my kind of boring.” Hair now a light green, which means he was very happy.

“How long has he been like this?.” Adam asked, hair slightly askew by the wind Beetlejuice was generating.

“Not very long maybe an hour im not sure youre looking good Adam did I ever tell you that you too Babs holy moley” Beetlejuice bounced to the three people in the room, laughing and having a good time.

“Alright Lawrence settle down before you break something,” Barbara laughed as she laid her hands on Beetlejuice’s shoulders, with the latter still bouncing.

“Wow this stuff really hit is your nose running if its an issue ill grab a tissue wow that rhymed youre really pretty.” Beetlejuice smiled a loopy looking smile and his hair turned pink.

“Yes yes Lawrence we heard multiple times,” Barbara patted his shoulder. “Lydia could you grab some water for him please? He looks like he needs it.”

“I do I chugged a sherry earlier and now my throat is as dry as the desert sahary ohemgee I’m a lyrical genius someone hire me,” Beetlejuice spun in a circle laughing “Lookatmegooooo” 

Lydia left quietly with a chuckle. Beetlejuice knew he was high off his ass and his eyes was even more bloodshot than usual. He inspected a mirror before he opened the door to the Maitlands’ room and ran because he thought he looked good.

“Now let’s sit down and calm down a little shall we? You look like you’re about to combust.” Barbara led him to the bed and sat him down.

“Combust that's a cool trick I can do Adam stop sulking in the corner and come to bed with Babs and I,” Beetlejuice squawked to the man watching the scene with a smile.

“Alright I’m coming,” Adam stalked over to the bed and sat down on Beetlejuice’s left and Barbara on his right.

“Getting comfy are we yay you guys are really nice I wouldnt be this confident but gosh darn you guys are really pretty.”

“We got it Lawrence,” Adam smiled and put his arm around the demon.

“Adam this is not the best position to be in, Lawrence looks a little uncomfortable.” Barbara brushed her hair back and looked to Adam with a fake shy face.

“You know honey, you’re right.” Adam agreed.

“What are you guys talking aboutimfine thisiscomfortable whatareyoudoing—“ Beetlejuice stopped chirping. “Oh.”

Barbara and Adam got off the bed and pushed Beetlejuice further down the bed.

“Are we in it already oh gosh ive been waiting for this.” Beetlejuice clapped, “Come to papa!” he made grabby hands and looked like an excited puppy.

“Nope, not what you have in mind Lawrence.” Barbara shined a smile.

“Something even better.” Adam made the first move and sat in front of him, not exactly straddling him, but sitting on his lap so he can wrap his arms around him and maneuvered his legs going behind Beetlejuice. Barbara joined after Adam gave her a nod, she went behind and flung her arms around him.

Beetlejuice, caught off guard, flushed pink. His cheek and hair was now a solid rose colour and if he could blush any further, he would probably explode.

“Oh look Barbara, he looks like a rose!” Adam squealed.

“Hey Lawrence!” Beetlejuice turned to look at her, “Watch this!” Barbara blew a raspberry into his cheek making Beetlejuice purr and melt into the arms of the Maitland couple.

Adam blew one on Beetlejuice’s other cheek, “We got him trapped Barbara get him!”

And the attack was on! Barbara relinquished her hold and startled tickling Beetlejuice in his side.

“Babs no stop im ticklish dooooont,” Beetlejuice laughed squirming underneath Adam’s arms unable to escape from Barbara’s fierce tickles.

Adam and Barbara were laughing and revelling the sight of Beetlejuice laughing and squiggling trying to escape. Beetlejuice knew he could escape using his powers but didn’t, all three were enjoying it too much.

“You guys sound like you’re having fun in there, guess I’ll leave the water by the door.” Lydia’s voice came from the doorway with a camera pointed at them. With a flash from the camera, she placed the glass on the floor and left the room with a smile. “You know,” she turned, “Beej really likes you guys if you haven’t noticed.” And with her final word she ran towards the stairs to kitchen cackling as she ran down the steps.

“LYDIAISWEARIFYOUSHOWANYONETHATPHOTOIWILLENDYOU.” Beetlejuice tried to sound serious but his laughing tone stopped him doing so. “BabsAdogstoppleaseican’t.”

Adam and Barbara released Beetlejuice and backed away. 

“You okay Lawrence?” Barbara asked.

“Oh yes,” Beetlejuice took a not-needed breath and devilishly smiled. “Alright my turn.” He sprouted extra arms and went full force and tickled Adam and Barbara. They both squealed trying to get away but the tickles were too strong.

“Lawrence you cheat!” Adam cried out with laughter.

“How the turn tables have turned!” Beetlejuice laughed, “It’sshowtimeforyoutwo.” The extra arms tickled Adam and Barbara under their armpits, their sides and their necks, making the couple wiggle and writhe underneath Beetlejuice’s touch. “You brought this on yourselves!”

“Beetlejuice stop!” Adam said in-between giggles

“We can’t breathe!” Barbara chortled.

“You don't need to breathe Babs but okay fine whatever youre lucky youre adorable.”

Barbara and Adam looked at each other and rose slowly, “Lawrence we have something to tell you.”

Beetlejuice’s smile contorted to a frown, “Oh no what is it should I leave ill leave im sorry ill leave you alone.” He rose off the bed but his hands were grasped by the couple.

“No it’s nothing bad.” Adam rubbed his thumb in a circle on Beetlejuice’s hand.

“Lawrence we want to continue what we have here, you know the three of us?”

“Imsorrywhat?”

“We were talking, and I think we would be happy if you were a part of this. A part of us.” Barbara fiddled with her hair, tugging away the nervousness. “Over the past year, we were talking about having you with us.”

“Imgoingtorepeatmyselfwhat?”

“Lawrence, we want a relationship with you. We were really reluctant at first, but we both grew feelings. And we still love each other and don't feel bad about taking up both of our times,” Adam now had both hands on Beetlejuice. “But we want you here, with us.”

“Wait, lemme get this straight.” Beetlejuice said slowly, “I’m not, but you really want a relationship. With me. Icky, gross and full of gunk from the 1300’s? You really want this?” Beetlejuice pointed at himself.

“Yes, dirt and all.” Barbara frowned, “You’re not taking this seriously."

“I am! Just really, me?” Beetlejuice kept switching his gaze between Adam and Barbara, “This has to be a trick.”

“No tricks, if this was a trick would I do this?” Adam let go of Beetlejuice’s hands and cupped it and went dove in for a quick peck on the lips. When Adam backed up, Beetlejuice tried to return the kiss, but Barbara wanted her turn. She grabbed his face and laid a tender kiss on Beetlejuice’s lips.

Barbara opened her eyes and found Beetlejuice looking at her with a look of shock, “Babs, A-dog you kissed me.”

“Well duh, we like you Lawrence,” Barbara pouted.

“Oh gosh you actually like me. Ohmygoshyouguyslikemeyouguyslikeme,” Beetlejuice started bouncing again.

“Yes, now let's get you that water since you said you were dehydrated. And despite being dead, lets get some moisture back onto your lips.” Adam ruffled Beetlejuice’s hair and got up to retrieve the water.

“Lawrence? Barbara? Adam?” Delia’s called, “Come downstairs, it's time for presents!”

“Present time already? Come you two let’s open gifts!” Barbara shot up from the bed and grabbed both Adam and Beetlejuice and headed downstairs.

The three ghosts and demon rushed into the living room, and even though Beetlejuice is still high, the sounds of cheer from the tunes of the radio really hit him. Lydia, Delia and Charles turned to see the three holding hands and eyebrows up to their foreheads.

“Oh Lawrence!” Charles gasped, “I like what you did your hair, very.. flowery rose..”

Beetlejuice turned to the mirror that hung behind him on the staircase. “Ohnoidontlikeit,” and dashed to hide behind the tree.

“Beej get out of there, you look stupid.” Lydia rolled her eyes.

“Iamtreedontmindme.”

“Hard to not mind the brightest thing in the room, dude you’re bleeding through the tree. That rose stands out.” The teen crossed her arms and strode to the demon. “What’d you guys do up there? Kiss or something?”

The silence that came after gave away the answer. “Oh, you guys did.” Charles said mouth agape.

Adam and Barbara shuffled in place while Beetlejuice shook with the jitters, “Fucking cocaine I didnt want this to happen its showing my hair noooooo.” He shook at his hair to hopefully get it back to its green, but it got worse. Now the rose colour started to mix in with a pink hue.

“Wait you took cocaine?” Delia deadpanned. “Where’d you get it?”

“My cousin.” Beetlejuice lied.

“You have a cousin?” Adam quipped.

“I don’t know, but he stole my tie. The bastard.” The demon, sans tie, rubbed at the empty spot on his neck.

“Oh, well then good tidings Lawrence.” Delia picked up the green and black present from the floor, holding it out to Beetlejuice. “Here it’s for you.”

Beetlejuice grabbed a hold of the small box and slowly undid the wrapping, “Oh Delia.” He whispered. The box opened to find a new, clean, nicely scented black tie. “A NEW TIE!!!!!” He sung hands in the air while green came from nowhere illuminating demon. “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” He jumped from behind the tree and gave Delia a bone crushing hug and ran to the Maitlands after dropping Delia slowly to the floor. “Look Babs Adam new tie can you guys help me tie it!”

“Give it here, I’ll tie it.” Adam offered his hand and Beetlejuice handed it over but gave his hand squeeze before holding the tie. “Here,” Adam propped up the thicker side hangs from the right, cross it over, tuck it under, being that to the other side, fold it in.” Beetlejuice stared at Adam and could feel his head itch, he knew that his hair was changing colour again. “Wrap it around and tuck the thick end and adjust like so.” Adam slipped the tie to Beetlejuice’s neck, “There! A full Windsor knot!” Adam patted the tie down, smoothing down the edges, “If you need help tying it again, lemme know Lawrence.” Adam smiled and sat down on the couch.

Everyone watched in stunned silence at the intimate moment between the two, and no one spoke for a bit.

“Adam Maitland YOU SLY DOG!” Beetlejuice broke the silence by jumping on Adam’s lap kissing him senseless. “I’m back, ladies and gents, and those who don’t conform to the binary spectrum,” he stage whispered to the empty air “I’m back in full demon force!”

“Other than the fact that I have to burn and bleach my eye sockets, I’m glad you like it Lawrence, I noticed you were without your tie for a while and it seemed like a perfect time to get you a new tie!” Delia rubbed at her eyeballs.

“Now that’s out of the way, Lydia this is for you.” Charles picked up a large box and a long cylindrical present tucked underneath his arm. 

“Adam, Barbara your presents are underneath the tree there.” Delia pointed to the corner where Adam and Barbara’s present lay.

Everyone exchanged gifts, Beetlejuice didn’t expect a gift from anyone and he got a couple things. Including the tie (from Delia and Charles), he got black nail polish (from Lydia), and cheesy enough as it is, a relationship with Adam and Barbara, they did get him cufflinks. Small green beetles he could clip onto his cuffs, which Beetlejuice enjoyed.

Lydia got black cloth and a new sewing machine so she could sew up a new summer spring wardrobe.

Adam and Barbara got paint and paint brushes so they could get started on that model town they were interested in.

Delia got the most expensive gift out of all them, Beetlejuice didn’t really care cause he was about to bite it but Delia shrieked and shoved him away in delight. It was apparently a Red Beryl necklace, a gemstone extremely rare that was apparently $10,000 per carat. Beetlejuice didn’t get it, and could care less. Delia claimed it is a powerful protector and healer, blending the energies of the Heart and Root Chakras in drawing Life Force from the Earth. Lydia and Beetlejuice just smiled cause all that info just went over their hands.

Charles got coupons from both Beetlejuice and Lydia, coupons promising to do chores, behave normally for once, and you know, to get them to shut up. Which he cheered and danced around the room like Beetlejuice did.

After everyone got their gifts and dinner was served, Lydia grabbed her cloth, enlisted the help of Adam to help with setting up the sewing machine up in her room. She was reared up to go and make her clothes.

Charles and Delia wanted to get wasted off that eggnog Delia made earlier, Beetlejuice had sip but didn’t enjoy it. So he grabbed the whiskey bottle stashed away underneath the sink and stuffed it down his gullet, the high now mixing with a high content of alcohol, bringing him back to his loopy state.

Usually Beetlejuice would hang with Lydia, but he wanted to spend time with the Maitlands and there he was. Dragged up to the attic, watching the couple set the preparations for their model town.

“Adaaaaaaaaam, Barbaraaaaaaaaa,” Beetlejuice called from the doorway, “It’s bedtime, let's sleep.”

Adam and Barbara stopped and shrugged. They put down the paint, board, and brushed and walked over to Beetlejuice dragging him into bed.

“The middle Beetlejuice, you’re sleeping in the middle.” Adam squeezed Beetlejuice’s hand.

“Oh taking command Adam? Me likey.” Beetlejuice winked, running a third hand down Adam’s back, causing Adam to shiver.

“Shush or you’re sleeping on the roof.” Barbara swatted the extra arm back into Beetlejuice.

“Slept in worse places but okay,” Beetlejuice flopped onto the bed and turned to make more grabby hands at the couple. “Bed time, cuddle with meeeee.” 

“You bet your ass we will,” Adam took to Beetlejuice’s left and Barbara took the right. Beetlejuice closed his eyes until, “Hey Barbara we came a long way haven’t we?”

“Shush babes I’m trying to sleep,” Beetlejuice grumbled.

“Alright Lawrence but one more thing.” Barbara purred into Beetlejuice’s ear.

Even with his eyes closed, he raised an eyebrow.

“This,” Barbara and Adam both kissed Beetlejuice’s cheeks simultaneously. “Merry Christmas Lawrence.”

“Merry Christmas.”

A couple minutes passed, “Hey, guys?” Beetlejuice growled.

“Yes Lawrence?”

“Love you guys.” Then sleep claimed them all with soft Christmas tunes playing in the back.

_Chestnuts roasting on an open fire_

_Jack Frost nipping at your nose  
_

_Yuletide carols being sung by a choir  
_

_And folks dressed up like Eskimos  
_

_Everybody knows a turkey and some Mistletoe  
_

_Help to make the season bright  
_

_Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow_

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was heavily inspired by Holiday Party (I Did a Little Cocaine Tonight) by the cast of Co-Op and Alex Brightman and Renée Elise Goldsberry. Listen to the album, it's short and only had one show but there are videos on Youtube! 
> 
> It was so fun writing a hyper and Beetlejuice simping over Barbara and Adam, and this song is so funny. Would definitely put it on my holiday playlist to mess with my family.
> 
> And yes I know it's only June, I listen to holiday music often cause it keeps me happy okay? DONT JUDGE ME.


End file.
